Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Monday Mailbag, belated

Last week I started my first ever weekly piece on my blog: The Monday Mailbag. This
week, I skipped it. That’s right, I stuck to my recurring piece for exactly one time. I can’t
even say once in a row because, let’s be honest, one can’t really be a row.

But I’m here now. And I have a good excuse for yesterday’s epic failure. I was driving
all day to get home. All day as in left hotel at 8 am and got home at about 7:15 pm. And
I didn’t want to write a Monday Mailbag. I just didn’t, okay? But I feel like it today.
Because if I don’t do it now, the email is really gonna be piled up, and next week I’ll be
buried in a burgeoning avalanche of letters. So here it is…your Monday Mailbag! Tuesday

So, what’s this I hear about a boo hag movie?
Herbert Waterloo, IA

First of all, my man Herbert, can I just say, what a great name! I love me some Herbert.
I’m a man of concision. I don’t like names that can’t be shortened. And if not shortened,
at least changed in a fun way. You know what I mean, Herb? Bert? Herbie? You see
what I mean? And on top of the fun, I used to work with a Herb. I don’t know if he was
an actual Herbert, but I’m gonna say he was. He seemed like a Herbert in a wonderfully
ghetto-fabulous kinda way. We were dishwashers at a country club. I was sixteen, he
was pushin’ sixty. He used to regale me with stories of gunshot wounds and knife fights.
But only when he wasn’t assuring me in no uncertain terms that he could school me
unmercifully on the basketball. I’m tellin’ ya, I love me some Herb.

Anyway, the movie thing is just a rumor. For now. But I’ve heard it. It seems like
multiple times a day I’m hearing about Gary Ross. About Josh Hutcherson. And of
course about Jennifer Lawrence. Some might say the trio could make it together. That
they could really bring a book to life. I don’t know, but I would be willing to listen. I
could be convinced.

Is it a coincidence that those names are being tossed around at the same time The Boo
Hag is in the infancy of its publication? I don’t believe in coincidences. I only believe
that sometimes two or more random things happen at nearly the same time in such an
alarming fashion that it would seem like they have something to do with one another. But
coincidences? They’re just not for me.

And that’s your Monday Mailbag! Tuesday edition


  1. Ooh I love the name Herbert too! Infact a year or two ago I became so crazy obsessed with facebook's farmville that I created a fake facebook account just so I wouldnt bother family and friends with the annoying farmville stuff. take a wild guess at what my name was... yep Herbert and a fantastic name of Schmitzel!

    1. Let's hear it for the Herberts of the world. Such versatility!