Look who’s back from vacation? Okay, don’t look too hard; I
was referring to myself. And when I say vacation, well, what I mean is Memorial
Day. I didn’t actually go on any vacation, I just decided that as a
practitioner of the postal arts, I should make like a mailman, and take the day
off from the mailbag. So, like I said, look, I’m back from my Memorial Day
spent in the throes of blogger slackitude.
I’m back. I’m back and it couldn’t come at a better time. My
mailbag was brimming with mail. And not just any mail, but mail with a hint of
international spice. Is that pancit and pan de sal I smell? Nope, it’s just a smell
of some Asian islands wafting in on the back of another bit of scintillating
email. This, my dear constituents, (as if you voted for me) is your…drumroll
please…just imagine a drumroll in your head…MONDAY MAILBAG!!!!
If you could name each of your fingers, what names would you
give them and why?
Ellie the Philippines
That’s right the Philippines. If I hadn’t hit the big time
before, well my dear sirs, and madams of course, I have now. Did you know that
I was born in a little San called Diego? And that after leaving my dear San
Diego birthing grounds, I left for the opposite coast to live in a grand beach
of the Virginia variety? Well, I did. And I heard once that Virginia Beach and
San Diego, because of the good ol’ US Navy have the highest amount of Filipinos
outside of the Philippines. I may have just made that up, but you can quote me
anyway, because, well, I write fiction. So, if I’m lying to you, that’s okay.
(side note, see over there ß where
it says that’s? Well, my good ol’
grammar checker says I should change it to say that are. Gotta love the brilliance of the Microsoft Office grammar
checker-ma-jigger) It’s my job. So, point is, Filipino people are cool. And
they make delicious food.
Okay, on to the question. What would I name all my fingers and
why? Well, that is an interesting question if ever there was one.
Unfortunately, it’s a question that will remain unanswered. Look, I’m a man of
mystery. It’s the truth. But I would cease to be that man if the world knew my
secret finger names. And also, it would take too long. I mean, I’ve rambled on
for this long without naming a single finger. If I named all ten and told you
their stories…hmm, book idea?
I will name toes for you. But not all of them. Did I say toes? I
meant toe. I will name toe for you. The second toe on my left foot is named
Einstein. Someone once told me that if your second toe is longer than your big
toe, which mine is, then you’re smart. Is that awesome or what? So, I’m naming
my second big toe in honor of a good friend of mine named Bill Einstein. He’s
just a cool guy. You can disregard that little bit about the length of your second
toe determining your IQ. I don’t know why I even threw that in there.
Well, Bill Einstein, I hope you’re reading this. This toe’s for
you! And that, friends and foot fetishists alike, is your Monday Mailbag!
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