It's been a long time...

I shouldn't have left you. That's a line from a song. I swear. Just wanted to acknowledge you, my under-appreciated-by-its-own-writer blog. I have been busy writing a book and all the other rigamarole of life, and by that I mean the Olympics. Yes, it's been all about the Olympics around here lately, to the detriment of you, my blogtastical friend. And this even, this heartfelt apology, is going to be short, but to an important point. There is something coming. A blog post. A blog post of Olympic proportions. Your wait for a gold medal blog post is almost over. Let the anticipation begin.

Name one thing about today that doesn't scream Monday

Welcome to Monday. What do you mean it’s not Monday? It feels like Monday. I mean, there’s a big burlap sack of yellowing envelopes sitting in front of me. It must be Monday. Oh come on. I have a past here. Right? I mean the calendar obviously isn’t my strong suit. But for the fun of it, if nothing else, for the alliteration of it all, this, my dear, patient friends, all of you out there just waiting with bated breath, this is your, yes your Monday Mailbag.

David, where have you gone? You do realize you haven’t posted in weeks, right?

Flo, Miami FL

Where have I gone? Where have I gone, Flo DiMaggio? Well, let’s see one day I was at…I mean, there was this one time when I went…I mean, I had to go and…Look, the point is, well, I haven’t been anywhere. I’ve just been here. I’m sorry I haven’t done better at keepin’ the ol’ blog rollin’ along here lately, but, ya know, life happens sometimes.

Work has been kickin’ my butt lately. Truly. I haven’t really even written in my latest book in the last couple weeks. And I was just working a little overtime at my real job up until about a half hour ago. So, there’s work, and, ya know, family, and all that other stuff. It makes it hard sometimes to keep at the whole writing thing. I love it, but I gotta keep my family moving, and the whole making a living thing gets in the way sometimes. But I’m back. I’m back, and I plan on staying around a while. I’ll keep on keepin’ on at the whole supporting the family thing, but I’ve got the future millions in my head, and I’m using those figures to push me on in the writing sphere.

I’m back, Aunt Flo. Wait, Aunt Flo? Does that mean? Ah, forget about it. Just remember, keep reading the blog. Knowing you’re there, my good Flo-bot, keeps me writing.

It's that time again...

Hey, can someone check out the calendar for me? Is it seriously Monday already? I feel like I just answered my latest email for the Monday Mailbag yesterday, but alas, here we are again. For it is Monday, and there is certainly a mailbag. There’s no denying that. So here I am, clad in gray shorts, ready to answer some mail. (You may think the color of my shorts is irrelevant; I assure you it is not.

Hey, Dave-o, any trouble with paparazzi these days?

Chuckles, Paris TX

Well, Chuckles, can I just say that your name makes me…well, never mind. Cheap thrills are great and all, but that one seems just too easy. I gotta let it slide, my friend. So, the paparazzi? I knew this question was coming eventually, and I figured it would come from somewhere glamorous. Paris? Nailed it!

The truth is, the paparazzi live for people like me. Notice I said live and not lives? Well, my good followers (all 11 of you), that little i on the end says, “Hey, buddy, this world is in Italian. And it’s plural!” So, there you go. Anyway, the paparazzi are all about authors. They love to follow around pasty, socially awkward people to plaster on the front of grocery aisle rags. What can I say? We sell.

And indie authors are tops on the most wanted list. As soon as it came out that I recently sold my 44^th copy of The Boo Hag, they were all over me like flies to, well, anything. I was out with the fam this weekend, and I saw some dude sneaking up behind me with his camera. He tried to play off like he was taking a picture of his adorable little daughter doing adorable little daughter things. Was I fooled? No. As soon as he got within striking distance, I snapped flying kick to his aftermarket lens, and left his camera in little pieces on the ground. He was mad. That’s what you get, Mr. Paparazzo!

Consider your Monday Mailbag-ed.

A culinary mailbag. Monday style.

I forgot today was Monday. Isn’t that horrible? Okay, it’s not that bad, but I didn’t think I had anything pressing to do today, except of course keep on a-writin’ my yet-to-be-named second book, but then I said to myself, “Dave, get yourself together. Es lunes. (It’s Monday for those of you who don’t hablar espanol)” And then I went on, “Get to your mailbag, man. Get to your mailbag before the whole thing gets overrun with wonderful tidbits, and can you can never answer them all in a timely manner…” Of course I went on from there, but let’s just leave it at that, shall we? I’m runnin’ this joint, so we shall.

What is your favorite food?

Camille Somewhere, In-The-World

I have made an assumption here, and I’m hoping it doesn’t come back to bite me, as assumptions seem to have a tendency to do. You see, Camille did not tell me where she’s from, and instead of shooting her back an email like any normal person, I went all lazy and said, I’m just going to assume that Camille is an earthling. Camille, if you’re out there reading this, and I’m sure you are, I’m sorry if you are not in fact earth-bound, and I have offended your intergalactic sensibilities. And might I add, if you are in fact an alien from so far off world, what a beautifully earthy name you have?

What is my favorite food? Well, I assume (there are I go again. The assumptions are running rampant today!)—I assume you mean what isn’t my favorite food. I’m gonna answer that one. I feel that answering the assumed question is often less helpful, but at the same time more entertaining. And who wants a question answered? If someone were to give me the option to know…I don’t know, let’s say, how exactly the JFK assassination went down, or if I’d like to be entertained, I’m going with clowns and magicians. Hold off on the facts, I just want to have fun.

So, back to the question (assumed question) at hand. What is not my favorite food? Camille, I’m gonna have to go with cow tongue. I struggle to even classify this as a food, but people do indeed eat it. I did in fact. And I don’t wish to repeat the traumatic event. Any liver-haters out there? Of course there are.  Think liver, but squishier. If you ever do eat, just be happy you didn’t get the piece that was connected to the throat, where squishy meat meets tough gristle. If you did in fact get the throat piece. Good luck, my friend.

Happy eating. This is your Monday Mailbag!

Foot fetishes and mailbags

Look who’s back from vacation? Okay, don’t look too hard; I was referring to myself. And when I say vacation, well, what I mean is Memorial Day. I didn’t actually go on any vacation, I just decided that as a practitioner of the postal arts, I should make like a mailman, and take the day off from the mailbag. So, like I said, look, I’m back from my Memorial Day spent in the throes of blogger slackitude.

I’m back. I’m back and it couldn’t come at a better time. My mailbag was brimming with mail. And not just any mail, but mail with a hint of international spice. Is that pancit and pan de sal I smell? Nope, it’s just a smell of some Asian islands wafting in on the back of another bit of scintillating email. This, my dear constituents, (as if you voted for me) is your…drumroll please…just imagine a drumroll in your head…MONDAY MAILBAG!!!!

If you could name each of your fingers, what names would you give them and why?

Ellie the Philippines

That’s right the Philippines. If I hadn’t hit the big time before, well my dear sirs, and madams of course, I have now. Did you know that I was born in a little San called Diego? And that after leaving my dear San Diego birthing grounds, I left for the opposite coast to live in a grand beach of the Virginia variety? Well, I did. And I heard once that Virginia Beach and San Diego, because of the good ol’ US Navy have the highest amount of Filipinos outside of the Philippines. I may have just made that up, but you can quote me anyway, because, well, I write fiction. So, if I’m lying to you, that’s okay. (side note, see over there ß where it says that’s? Well, my good ol’ grammar checker says I should change it to say that are. Gotta love the brilliance of the Microsoft Office grammar checker-ma-jigger) It’s my job. So, point is, Filipino people are cool. And they make delicious food.

Okay, on to the question. What would I name all my fingers and why? Well, that is an interesting question if ever there was one. Unfortunately, it’s a question that will remain unanswered. Look, I’m a man of mystery. It’s the truth. But I would cease to be that man if the world knew my secret finger names. And also, it would take too long. I mean, I’ve rambled on for this long without naming a single finger. If I named all ten and told you their stories…hmm, book idea?

I will name toes for you. But not all of them. Did I say toes? I meant toe. I will name toe for you. The second toe on my left foot is named Einstein. Someone once told me that if your second toe is longer than your big toe, which mine is, then you’re smart. Is that awesome or what? So, I’m naming my second big toe in honor of a good friend of mine named Bill Einstein. He’s just a cool guy. You can disregard that little bit about the length of your second toe determining your IQ. I don’t know why I even threw that in there.

Well, Bill Einstein, I hope you’re reading this. This toe’s for you! And that, friends and foot fetishists alike, is your Monday Mailbag!

Another good ol' review for boo

Absolute Forest of Words: Boo Hag by David Morgan: Boo Hag by David Morgan Publisher: CreateSpace ISBN:  978-1470007317 Pages:  328 It's generally my policy not to accept self-publish...

Maddie Monday Mailbag

Hello, fine readers of the ol' blog. It's time for your weekly fix of the mailbag, but it's gonna go a little differently this time. Today I got a little brochure in my email from Maddie in Austin, TX. It's for a school assignment, and the subject is The Boo Hag! Yes, The Boo Hag has made it to some random student in Austin, TX. I've hit the big time. Okay, full disclosure, Maddie may or may not be my niece. Here is the sweet Monday Mailbag version (undoubtedly not as great as the original version) of The Boo Hag promotional brochure...

Summary:

Lenny Petrakas is having some weird signs that start to scare her and realizes it will danger her and people she loves including her best friend Anna. Lenny starts to worry and she’s afraid to tell anyone, but she has to. The next day she tells her teacher Mr. Brown and he thinks he can help only on one condition; they have to find a strong man to help. Luckily they have someone; Brian Stokely, the star football player and Anna’s crush. The next night Lenny wakes up to her friend gone. The Boo Hag stole her; the skinless red-eyed monster that steals peoples skin! Brian and Lenny have to find Anna! Is Mr. Brown behind all of this? Will everyone be okay?

Recommendation:                                              I would recommend this book to people who like to feel like they are on the characters adventures with them. It draws you in and makes you wonder what’s coming next.

Pricing:                                                      

Amazon: Online edition: $9.99          Kindle edition: $2.99

Smashwords:                                     Kindle edition: $2.99                    

Barns&Noble: $ Nook edition: $2.99     

    

The Boo

                                            Hag

By: David Morgan

Publisher: David Morgan

Brochure By: Maddie Mayrgundter

 Thematic Statement:                           

In this current society friends are one of the most important things in life and they always stick by your side. The author used the plot to deliver the theme by the friends helping each other even through all the obstacles that occur.

Text Connection:                                    Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants is similar to The Boo Hag because they are both about friendship. In The Boo Hag and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants they stick together with the difficulties they come across.  The themes are both about friendship and the importance of them.

Characters:                                            Lenny: She is very meticulous, independent, and not very girly. Her best friend is Anna and she always sticks by her side. She is also the protagonist because she works hard to find Anna.

Anna: She is very friendly and has a huge crush on Brian Stokely. Her best friend is Anna and stays strong throughout the whole story. She is also a protagonist because she is trying to help everyone throughout the story.

Brian: He is very popular and sort of a player. He likes Anna, but also the most popular girl in school. He is the star football player and everyone loves him. He’s another protagonist because he sticks by everyone’s side during the story and works hard in the search for Anna.

The Boo Hag: She is a red-eyed skinless monster that is very aggressive. She steals people’s skin and takes their personalities and looks. She is the antagonist because she is cruel and makes life miserable for people.

Mr. Brown: He is a History teacher at Santa Rosa High (Lenny, Anna, and Brian’s school). Throughout the story he is on everyone’s bad side because they all think he is with The Boo Hag.

Setting:The most important setting is at Ham’s Burgers (where Anna works) because that is where the near death situation happens. This affects the story because it has the most interaction with the Boo Hag and also one of the most important parts of the book. The author chose to add this setting because it boosts the reader’s attention and thinking.

Authors Bio:                                   Hi! You see on this brochure where it lists David Morgan as the author? Well, that’s me, and my awesome niece Maddie asked me to tell you a little about myself. I live in Utah, where I am extremely outnumbered at home as the only male in a house of six. I like to read. A lot. And you should too. If you don’t, maybe you should start. Ask Maddie for a recommendation; I’m sure she has a good one in mind.

That, my friends, is a Monday Mailbag done right!